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ACHIEVEMENTS GUIDE WITH ROYALTY UPDATE
[REPOST of this.] LAST UPDATED: 09/13/2020 ~ Lion Tamer achievement has link to a new post I created with notes and how-to guide.
Royalty:
Monarch: become a king or queen.
Optional: in god mode, you can select the royalty status of a new life. Select prince/princess, and kill your parents later in life or wait until they die until you inherit the throne. If you happen to have older siblings, kill them off.
Executioner: execute 20 people. It can only be done as king or queen. Edit: this can be done multiple times in one year. Depending on the country, people may revolt against you which can lead to exile. If you want to avoid this, be a king/queen in Saudi Arabia. Thank youu/Scarlet_Hare.
Napoleon: get exiled by repeatedly executing people or selecting public disservice. Do this until your respect is at 0%. The people will revolt against you, and you will be exiled.
Reign Over Us: reign as a monarch (king/queen) for 100 years. To do this, become king/queen. Have a child, and kill your spouse immediately. Then surrender. The child will automatically become the king/queen. Live for 100 years by keeping your health up by following the steps under the Longevity section. Make sure to keep your respect high by doing public services.
Markle: be a female, live in the UK, have high looks to become a famous (edit: you can become a famous actress but it's not required. Thank youu/notoriousbaby), and use the dating app REGULAR dating tab, NOT dating app, to date and marry into the royal family.
Longevity:
Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, taking walks, and going to the doctor when you're sick.
Wealth:
The fastest way to become wealthy is to become a famous actor or famous writer. I also recommend living in countries that don't have estate tax such as Germany, Sweden, Monaco, & Norway. Start off with high looks for actor or high smarts for writer. Join social media & post every year. When you become famous, do a commercial every year. While there are other high paying jobs such as porn star, model, and music composer, I do not recommend these because you won't be able to make much extra money on the side. For porn star and model, you can do photo shoots, but they don't pay nearly as much as commercials do.
Real Estate:
Become wealthy using the advice for wealthy achievements. For flipping houses, buy equestrian properties & keep renovating them when necessary. If you buy an equestrian property in your 20s, by the time you're in your 70s-80s, the net worth of the property will increase by a few millions.
Social Media:
Become famous and post every year. When your fame bar is at 75%, request verification.
Animal:
Animal rescue: take an animal to a shelter.
Deaf leopard: buy a leopard from the exotic pet dealer & yell at it when it misbehaves.
Jack of all trades: have 10 different jobs in one life. Apply for jobs that don't require a degree and stay for a few years (I stayed for 2 years).
Candy-writer: be born in MIAMI (NOT Tuscon) with high smarts. Major in computer science and get a job as an app tester with BITLIFE. DO NOT GET A JOB WITH CANDY-WRITER. THE COMPANY SHOULD SAY BITLIFE.
Last resort: have high looks. Use god mode to edit your boss to have 0% professionalism, 0% strictness, 0% willpower, and 100% coolness.
While you have good performance at work, seduce your boss.
If done successfully, lower your performance percentage bar by insulting and pulling pranks on coworkers.
When a pop up shows up saying you've been fired, beg your boss for another chance, & try to seduce them again.
People person: if you have trouble befriending your coworkers, use god mode to set their craziness to 0%, coolness to 100%, willpower to 0%, and low professionalism.
Combat:
Medieval weapon: insult people until someone attacks you with a medieval weapon.
Armed & Dangerous: Tiger Claw Strike (Kung-Fu) seems to be the most deadly. Aim at the person's skull or throat.
Disease:
Bubonic plague: random.
Rabies: pet stray animals that you come across. One will eventually bite you & give you rabies.
Witchcraft: avoid taking raw egg, venom, & green bubbling liquid as these are the deadliest things you can consume.
Addicted: accept all substances offered to you. Go clubbing (with high looks & low smarts) to get more access to substances.
Sickly: Get sick with 10 diseases in 1 life.
Do this by going clubbing as soon as you turn 18. Accept substances that are offered to you & hook up with random people.
Try to get as many STDs as you can including but not limited to: chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and genital herpes.
Go to the gym every year to get other illnesses such as: ringworm, staph infection, athletes foot, etc.
Note: you can also get HIV and Hep B from hook ups, but make sure to keep your health up so that you don't die from complications.
Entertainment:
BitBoi: watch YouTube with friends until Bijuu Mike pops up.
BTS ARMY: go to a concert with a friend every year until BTS shows up.
Fame:
Brightest Star: get max fame by having high looks, posting on social media, & doing commercials or photo shoots.
Centerfold: do photo shoots every year until you do one for Wank magazine.
Endorser: become a famous actor & do a commercial. These typically pay about $4,000,000
K-Pop: be born in South Korea. Have high looks, & get a job as a background singer. Work hard every year & get promoted to lead singer. Post on social media. You'll eventually become a famous pop star.
Fertility:
DNA donor: have high looks &/or high smarts to be allowed to donate your sperm.
Fertile myrtle: be born a female. Get pregnant as soon as you turn 18 by artificial insemination or unprotected sex. Do this every year until you have 25 children.
Smart seed: Be a female, graduate high school, and have a decent amount of money ($45k). Check the artificial insemination option. If a lawyer doesn't show up, close out of the app and restart it until a lawyer (NOT judge or paralegal) pops up.
Triplets: increase your chances by using artificial insemination.
Love:
Fake it: use god mode to lower your fiance's smarts to 0%, then propose.
Bejeweled: marry someone rich or use god mode to adjust your SO's money bar. Keep your relationship bar full.
Black widow: use a dating app to marry men 80+.
Optional: use god mode to set their health to 0%.
Diamond Anniversary: marry young & keep your health bar up. Use god mode to set your SO's health to 100% so they won't die quickly.
Family planner: set your SO's smarts & willpower to 0% & convince them to go off birth control.
Wedding planner: be born in an African country such as DR Congo. Wait until your parents arrange a marriage for you & accept. Gender doesn't matter.
Military:
Career military: serve a full career in the military. Avoid deployments by closing the app & restarting.
General: enlist as an air force, army, or marines officer. Work hard every year until you become general.
Admiral: enlist as a navy or coast guard officer. Work hard every year until you get promoted to admiral.
AWOL: get addicted to alcohol by going clubbing. Once you get addicted, go to rehab.
Excavator: to clear 10 minefields, it's best to practice minesweeper until you're good at it. This DOES NOT need to be done in one life. You can do this over multiple lives.
Prison
Escape from prison: get arrested for a petty crime & get sent to minimum or medium security prison. Use this guide to escape.
Justice: be wealthy & apply for an appeal.
Aftermath: riot every year. Each year, the number of prisoners you need increases by 5. The max is 25. Once you hit 25, keep rioting every year until you can escape.
Rioting will lower your health. Keep your health bar green by bribing the guards, going to the infirmary,working out, & meditating.
You can only escape when your health is green.
In-mating: get arrested in a minimum or medium security prison. Arrange a conjugal visit. Make sure your spouse has a high crazy level.
Mercy Me: follow the steps in the wealth achievement section. Get arrested with a long sentence. Be on good behavior by meditating every year, ignoring prisoners, & being respectful to the warden. Appeal your sentence. Note: while in prison, DO NOT join gangs, incite riots, or bribe guards.
Theseus: the easiest way to escape is by following the instructions to the aftermath achievement. Otherwise, you can check out this guide.
School:
Naughty child: easiest way to get expelled is to enroll in college & get bad grades by not studying & skipping class.
Brothers Forever: join a frat in college by having high looks. When you graduate & look for a job, you'll be hired by a frat brother.
Earning that A: seduce your teacher by having high looks. Use god mode to change the teacher's professionalism & willpower to 0%.
Swimming Star: have high health & join the swim team in high school or college. Practice hard every year to become captain.
Vehicle:
Get rich using the steps in the wealth section above. Obtain your pilot & boating license to complete these achievements.
Antiqued: buy a car. Get maintenance done every year. Do repairs when needed.
General:
Cliff diving: spend time with family & friends every year until you go cliff diving.
Hero: save someone from choking.
Skeezy: insult people until someone calls you skeezy.
Snake snack: go to the witch doctor every year until she offers a snake.
Emigrate to Canada/Visit Winnipeg: check the emigrate/vacation list every year until they show up.
Zap: this one is random.
All Along: change a parent's sexuality to gay using god mode & hope they come out.
Begone: become an exorcist & buy a haunted house. Age up one year & exorcise the ghost(s).
Dignified Donor: find a $1m heirloom (random) & donate it.
Flamin' hot: sign up for the hot Cheetos diet. Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, & walking every year.
Flee the country: escape from a minimum or medium security prison using this & emigrate.
Frankenstein: go to a low-rated plastic surgeon and get a botched penis enlargement surgery or breast augmentation.
Note: DO NOT GO FOR A BRAZILIAN BUTT LIFT. A BOTCHED ONE CAN KILL YOU!
Human Dictionary: select the book option under mind & body until Merriam Webster Dictionary shows up, then read it.
Low-roller: lose money at the casino until you have a negative bank balance. Run from the guards. You may serve time in prison or successfully evade the guards. Try returning to the casino. You will be denied.
Nightmare: be wealthy by following the steps in the wealth section. Buy an airplane, jet, or helicopter and fly every year. Eventually a bad situation will come up and you need to pick an option. Sometimes it will turn out that the situation was just nightmare. Credit to this post. MAKE SURE TO BY A USED PLANE IN BAD CONDITION. WHEN A POP UP COMES UP, SELECT SIT BACK AND ACCEPT FATE.
Para-nightmare: live in a haunted house. When encountering a ghost/paranormal event, scream. Make sure your health is very low. You can do this by going on unhealthy diets such as Hot Cheetos or High Calorie. You can also drink alcohol. Avoid drugs so that you don't accidentally overdose.
Player perks: [will update]
Resourceful: marry a rich person that's 80+ & wait until they die OR have a low net worth & divorce them.
Rich justice: be wealthy by following the steps above in the wealth section. Sue a plastic surgeon who botched your surgery or an ex-spouse (both tend to have a decent amount of money). Sue for $1 mil and pick the most expensive law firm to represent you.
Roswell: Be wealthy by following the steps in the wealth section. Buy an airplane or jet. Fly every year OR if a prompt does not show up, close the app and restart the game until an alien encounter pops up when flying. Credit goes to this post and this comment.
Run Bitizen: go to a horse race & bet on Bitizen the horse & hope it wins.
Crime:
For burglary achievements: have high smarts to increase your chances of stealing successfully.
For murder achievements: if a pop up comes up saying you've been arrested/taken to court, close out of the game & restart, then try killing again.
Pet:
Adopt don't shop: follow the steps in the wealth achievements section & buy a large property (equestrian/ranch/farm). Then adopt all the pets at the shelter. There is not a limit to how many pets you can adopt if you have a large property.
Note: you will not be able to adopt if you have a criminal record.
Horsing around: buy an equestrian property so you can buy horses. Buy 50 horses in 1 life.
Just keep swimming: get a gold fish from the pet store & release it.
No Probllama: buy a llama by having an equestrian property & going to the exotic pet dealer. YOU MUST LIVE IN A SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY (e.g. Argentina, Chile, Peru, etc.)
The Case of the Missing 40,000 Jerry Nugget Decks: A Detective Story NB: I first published this article (with pictures) at PlayingCardDeckshere. Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards. The story of the original Jerry's Nugget decks is a fascinating one, and there are many interesting side-stories to explore about along the way. You can read the main story about the Jerry's Nugget decks in my previous article here: The Legendary Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards. But the full truth still remains somewhat hidden, and there are aspects about the Jerry's Nugget story that even today we can't totally be sure about. And with the passage of time, several juicy tidbits of lore have become attached to this famous deck. In this article I invite you to join me in a quest to explore another juicy story that has become part of the Jerry's Nugget legend. Is it true that the final stock of 40,000 Jerry's Nugget decks was bought up from the casino by a mysterious overseas buyer? Because this is an oft-repeated part of the story, that you'll hear whispered rumours about across the landscape of the internet. But this a statement of fact or fiction, and is it truth or myth? It could mean that right now someone is potentially sitting on a small fortune of Jerry's Nugget decks worth around $500 a piece. If it's true. So please put on your Sherlock Holmes trench-coat and deerstalker hat, arm yourself with a good amount of deductive logic and persistence, and join me as we see if we can really get to the bottom of this mystery, and dredge up the truth behind this famed haul of 40,000 decks!
A Secret Stash of 40,000 Decks?
If you are curious - like I am - and do some digging about the story and history of the Jerry's Nugget decks, it won't take you long to stumble across mention of the claim that a stash of the final 40,000 decks of Jerry's Nuggets was bought up in a single swoop, cleaning out the casino's remaining inventory of these prized decks. The story about some lucky buyer nabbing a final stash of 40,000 decks is circulated quite widely around the internet. Do a Google search for "40,000 Jerry's Nugget" and look at how many hits this gets! Some places that sell the decks even include this in their ad copy. For example, here's the ad copy over at one online retailer, which was selling authentic decks for $525 before they sold out: Another online retailer says the same. Many reviewers have parroted this information as well, such as this example. So do various sites dedicated to information about playing cards, such as this example. As far as many people are concerned, this information is more along the lines of "fact" than fiction, and it's become part of the story that everyone accepts. Little wonder that it is often repeated by collectors in discussion forums about playing cards, and that it has given more than just one person a tinge of envy.
Who is the mysterious buyer?
So who is the lucky guy with 40,000 decks of precious Jerry's Nugget decks hidden in his basement or garage? And is the story even true? Some of the sources for this story seem quite credible. And they also reveal the buyer's name: French magician Dominique Duvivier. One person quotes Jordan Lapping, apparently among the first cardists to get Jerry's Nugget decks and use them for flourishing. Dominique Duvivier is a French magician who performs and works with his daughter Alexandra, and together they have a high profile in the world of French magic. They are even well known in the circles of international magic, and were featured on the cover of the June 2013 issue of Genii Magazine. Norwegian magician Allan Hagen has a long-time interest in the Jerry's Nugget decks, and he also mentions Duvivier's purchase of 40,000 Jerry's Nugget decks as apparent fact in something he posted on Reddit in 2015, where he describes his perspective on their rarity and value. You'll read similar reports in an article published by Ukrainian cardists Alexander and Nikolay about Jerry's Nugget decks in June 2017. Two things are common to all these accounts: the number 40,000 for the haul of decks purchased by the mysterious overseas buyer. And now his name: Dominique Duvivier. I contacted a number of different sources, including people who had personal connections with some of the key players who were closely involved when Jerry's Nuggets decks first became a fad among magicians and cardists in the late 1990s. One source told me: "Interesting, the name of the European magician - it was a big secret back then. Someone actually told me his name back then, but it was on the proviso that I never publish it. Well, I see it's out of the bag now."
Was Dominique Duvivier the buyer?
But is there any evidence that Dominique Duvivier was really the mystery buyer whose name had been a carefully kept secret for some time at least? It was time for some more detective work. Google brought me to Duvivier's personal website. It didn't take long to discover that Duvivier does indeed have a real fondness for Jerry's Nuggets Playing Cards. They are everywhere - in his photos, his videos, and his instagram. Judging by the many French-language comments on his site, it also becomes apparent that Duvivier is highly respected and appreciated in his home country for his magic. It's also evident from reading some of the comments that his Jerry's Nuggets decks are a signature of his performance. Some even consider them to be the equivalent of a Stradivarius that Duvivier uses to perform with as a master magician. But it was when I checked Duvivier's youtube channel that I found some real gold: Dominique himself performing with Jerry's Nugget cards in this clip. In fact, if you check out his other videos there, you'll find quite a few where he performs magic with Jerry's Nugget playing cards, like this performance from 2014, this more recent ace cutting routine, and this false shuffle. Duvivier has even contributed a Jerry's Nugget themed trick to the magic industry, entitled Jerry's Nuggets Cards in Bag. You can watch the promo video for this trick in French or English. His daughter Alexandra Duvivier successfully used it to fool Penn and Teller on their show Fool Us. Here's the episode, and some unseen footage. But just because Dominique Duvivier happens to really, really like Jerry's Nugget playing cards doesn't prove that he bought out a massive stash of the last 40,000 decks from the casino. So this still begs this question: Did any of this even happen? And is there really someone on this planet with a hoard of 40,000 decks, whether it is Dominique Duvivier or anybody else? One of my favourite photos on Duvivier's site is this one here, with his haul. If that's any indication, surely the legendary haul was starting to seem somewhat plausible. It was time to ask around, and check in with some of the people who were around when the Jerry's Nugget decks first became the rage. Of the sources I consulted, few could be considered more reliable than Lee Asher. For many people Lee is synonymous with the Jerry's Nugget phenomenon. He also had close connections with the events of the time, and was instrumental in bringing the Jerry's Nuggets into the limelight in the first place, by singing their paises. He was kind enough to respond when I contacted him for comment about Duvivier's alleged haul of 40,000 Jerry's Nugget decks, and Lee bluntly told me the following: "This is misinformation. There weren't 40k decks left in 1999. We don't even know if Jerry's even printed 40k decks." Really? Apparently Lee Asher knew Duvivier personally, and he was the very person who first told Duvivier that the casino even had the cards for sale. He also visited his home and shop in Paris many times throughout this period of time. In Lee's words: "Without a doubt, I NEVER saw 40k of ANY deck there. That's basically nine pallets worth. The house, their magic shop and night club weren't big enough to house these decks. It also seems Duvivier isn't the last one to buy the remaining decks. Jerry's Nugget Casino believes they sold the last case of cards to someone in Japan in 1999." Well, it seems that the story had to be put to rest. Was this entire story perhaps just a magnificent urban legend after all? And if it was, where does the number of 40,000 decks come from, and how did this story get so much traction that it spread all around the internet, and is accepted unquestionably by so many people? My task had just become a bit harder, but I wasn't going to give up yet. It was time to try to track down where the many websites that quoted this story got the figure of 40,000 from in the first place.
Where does the figure of 40,000 come from?
With some more digging, the oldest article I could find on the subject was by a card collector who has a collection of fine articles on his site, White Knuckle Cards. This particular article dates back to 2009, and is one of the earliest references to the legendary stash of 40,000 decks that I could find. This particular article seems to be the first time the figure of 40,000 pops up, pre-dating all the more recent mentions of it. And it's not hard to figure out how it spread from there. On 6 August 2015, someone called "Doctor Papa Jones" added these details to Wikipedia's article on Jerry's Nuggets, evidently relying on the White Knuckle Cards article. As a result the Wikipedia article now read as follows: "In 2000, a private collector purchased the remaining stock of 40,000 decks". So now this "fact" is on Wikipedia and has some real "credibility". In fact, the number 40,000 stays up on Wikipedia for the next five years unchallenged! And that allows it to spread around the internet and go wild. Because where does everyone go when they're looking for reliable, authoritative, and trustworthy information about something? Wikipedia! Despite the mention of the magical stash of 40,000 decks, Duvivier's name remained out of the spotlight for a further four years. It was simply a mysterious "private collector" who had purchased the big haul. But in 2019, someone connected the dots to Duvivier, and so the Wikipedia article was changed to include his name. So how did that happen? Well the supporting reference that Doctor Papa Jones included in his 2015 edit was a link to an article by Dan and Dave Buck, dating back to 7 Dec 2011. This article is also no longer available, but can be tracked down with the help of the Internet Archive here. It doesn't give the figure of 40,000 but does drop Duvivier's name. So the evidence seems to suggest this development: Apparently relying on the White Knuckle Cards article from 2009 as a source, the number 40,000 first embedded itself in the WIkipedia article on Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards in 2015. Slowly the story grew, until somebody finally connected the dots that were hidden in plain sight elsewhere on the internet, and as a result Duvivier's name gets added four years later. Now things are set up for a great story: Mr Duvivier is sitting on a massive stash of 40,000 Jerry's Nuggets in France. The story gained even more traction as a result of the revived interest in Jerry's Nuggets that inevitably happened when a tribute deck was printed in 2019. It was inevitable that many would rely on Wikipedia as a source, and so the details even ended up being quoted in ad copy for the reprinted decks. What had previously just been a matter of quiet rumour or speculation, was now considered as fact. Oh, the joy of Wikipedia - it has certainly helped promote quite the legend here! And it doesn't take a genius to see that if this is true, Duvivier could be sitting on a small fortune. At $500 each, 14,000 decks would be worth around $700,000. Naturally a market flooded with them would drop their value. But even if the going price dropped to $100 a piece, that would still value his holdings at over $100,000. Even if he just sold the occasional decks at $500 a pop, this windfall could generate a nice little secondary income. That is, if the legend is true, a fact yet to be proven....
Revising the figure
Because this year, the Wikipedia article was changed. By now of course the (mis)information about Duvivier's haul had gone far and wide, and a lot of potential damage has already been done. But on 25 March 2020 someone called "TheCongressGuy" changed it to read that Duvivier "purchased the remaining stock of 1,500-2000 decks". Suddenly the number of Duvivier's legendary purchase had been reduced from 40,000 to something around 5% of the size. A figure of 1,500-2000 seems much more likely. So who made the change and what was their source? I did some more digging and managed to track down TheCongressGuy. He is Kevan Seaney, who describes himself as an "antique playing cards collector, specializing in the Congress 606 brand" and posts here. In February 2020 he wrote here that he'd learned that Duvivier had not purchased 40,000 decks. I was curious, and eventually found the following video that he posted about this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2pctAEuiZA And who was his source that Kevan credits for correcting the previous (mis)information about the number 40,000? If you watch that video, you'll find out that it is none other than the great Lee Asher. Lee Asher isn't just "anyone". He's a playing card expert, and the current president of 52 Plus Joker The American Playing Card Collectors Club. He's the guy who first generated public interest in Jerry's Nugget decks, brought them to the attention of cardists like the Buck twins and Chris Kenner, and was later a purveyor of these icon decks via his website. He's also had personal connections with Duvivier, was the person who informed Duvivier that they were available from the casino, and has personally spent a lot of time with him in Paris. And Lee Asher is a key person that has helped get real Jerry's Nugget decks into the hands of a new generation today. He's the guy who was instrumental in making a collaboration happen between Jerry's Nugget Casino and Expert Playing Card Company, by suggesting that EPCC get the exclusive licence needed to reprint these iconic decks in 2019, as announced in an official press release here. It's plain that along with EPCC's Bill Kalush, Lee Asher (pictured below) was singularly responsible for getting an officially licensed Jerry's Nugget deck back into the hands of a new generation and into the collections of those who couldn't afford the massive sticker price of the originals. So if anyone has a passion for the original Jerry's Nuggets, it is Lee Asher. Of anyone in this picture, Lee is the person with the most credibility, and his opinion and perspective should carry a lot of weight. With Asher as his source, Kevan Seaney points out that 40,000 decks of Jerry's Nugget playing cards is the equivalent of around 8 pallets. That's a massive amount, and would weigh around four tons. And it would take up a tremendous amount of space! Kevan cites Lee Asher as saying (via voice messages in Instagram) that in 1999 Asher told Duvivier that he could get the decks from the casino, and that Duvivier bought around 1,500-2000 decks at the time. Lee subsequently visited his home and store - France's oldest magic shop - in France many times. And according to Asher, there was no way Duvivier had room for 40,000 decks. Kevin also says that Lee Asher pointed out to him that these were technically not the final lot of decks sold by the casino anyway, and that the last decks (a "case" of unknown size) probably went to Japan. Wow. That really changes things! So based on this apparent "new information" from Lee Asher - who to his credit has apparently been saying this all along - Wikipedia gets a new edit by TheCongressGuy aka Kevin Seaney. The impressive figure of 40,000 is reduced to a much more modest 1500-2000, which is paltry by comparison to the much larger figures circulating the internet, and not nearly as impressive a story. But this is only after Wikipedia has been singing a different tune for five years, so the `damage' has been done, and the story of Duvivier's windfall of 40,000 Jerry's Nuggets is already accepted by most people as a true story.
Duvivier's own story
Suddenly it occurred to me to investigate Duvivier himself. Was this perhaps a line of inquiry that might produce some solid leads and definitive facts? Has the man himself ever commented on all these stories about his legendary haul? Could I find anything directly from the man himself that would shed some light on these legends? In fact, why hadn't I thought of this earlier? Just because nobody else seems to have dug up or reported anything from the man's own mouth, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. I slapped myself for my own foolishness, and headed back to Google. As it turns out, Duvivier has written about this! But because it's an article in French, it's escaped notice from most people. Since he's popular as a professional magician in France, he not only has his own website, but he also writes his own blog. And sure enough, he's addressed this very topic in a blog article that he wrote in April 2011 under the title "Magiphageuh No 14: Les Jerry's Nugget". With the help of an online translation tool, we learn this:
"As most of you already know, I only use real "Jerry's Nugget" cards to work with and have been doing so for many years. As these cards happen to be extremely rare to find on the market (I am obviously talking about the original Jerry's Nugget cards and not the recently reprinted ones) and they excite the magical world a lot, I am therefore constantly asked how many I own, how long have I owned them, what deal I made to get them and with whom, why do I have so many cards, why did I choose these specifically, why don't I want to sell them, why, why, eh?! And I hear such amazing stories about myself on these famous "Jerry's Nugget" cards that I decided to speak on the subject myself today."
This sounds very promising! Duvivier then goes on to tell the story about how the Jerry's Nuggets gained their legendary reputation, and the unique qualities they have. In France in the 1970s, American playing cards were quite rarely seen, and Duvivier knew a French pilot commandant called Reyno who loved magic, who would occasionally bring back cards from the US to a small circle of French magicians. At this time even standard Bicycle and Tally Ho decks were prized by these French conjurers, so besides them a Jerry's Nugget deck was considered a real crown jewel. Over the years Duvivier occasionally got more of the Jerry's Nugget decks, sometimes even an entire case of them at once, especially via his friend Michael Weber, who was his main supplier. We fast forward to 1999, when he finds himself heading to Las Vegas to perform at The Magic Castle. Here's the story in his words, courtesy of an online translation tool:
"In 1999 (if I'm not mistaken) my daughter Alexandra and I were hired to perform for a whole week at Magic Castle and then for a few contracts in Las Vegas. You may think that I had only one idea in mind at the time: a trip to the original casino where my favourite cards were from, Jerry's Nugget! Michael Weber had told me that there were still a few decks for sale there, so as soon as we arrived I immediately asked Philip Varricchio, who had come to pick us up in a limousine, to take us there. He was rather surprised, as we hadn't even put our bags down at the hotel (yes, I'm a fool) and the old Jerry's casino wasn't really known for being a must-see place! So I told him that I wanted to go there to buy Jerry's Nugget cards. According to him it was impossible to get them for the simple reason that they hadn't been around for a long time, but I was so insistent that he finally complied (hey, hey, hey!). When we arrived there, we went to the gift shop of the casino and I asked the salesman if he was selling their decks. - Yes," he told me, "I have a few. He shows me a small piece of wall in the back of the store where a hundred decks were on display. I ask about the price. Not even expensive! - Well, I'll take them," I say (laughs). And of course I ask if he has more in reserve! Yes, there were about a hundred boxes left (each box containing a large number of cards, 144 decks!). After a little negotiation, the unit price was even lowered to less than $1. That's it, that's how it happened and that's it. In fact, in all this story, the most difficult, the longest and the most expensive was to get the stock back to France. Since then, I've been seeing, little by little, the bids going up on these cards in a rather hallucinating way, whereas, of course, that wasn't my initial motivation at all. From the moment I bought the remaining stock, it's as if everyone wanted to own even more! But I just wanted to have enough stock of Jerry's Nugget decks because I'm a card fanatic and these in particular. I use these cards because they're the best cards I know and I've fought like a big man to own enough of them for me (I should mention that I never had a middleman or a partner to buy these cards). Anyone could have done as I did and I don't understand why no one did: you just had to take the trouble to go to this casino, because the cards were available! In any case, now they are all warm and cosy in different safes, which I won't tell you about. They say I'm the person with the most cards in the world, but I have to say I don't care. I know Chris Kenner is the one who planned it, he has a lot of them too. I've been offered golden bridges to sell a few packages, or even my entire stock. I've had some incredible offers over the years. I never intended to create a buzz with these cards: I just use them for my own personal consumption, that's all...because they're my favorite cards."
Probably the key sentence in that account is this, and the best translation seems to be something like this: "Yes, there were about a hundred boxes left (each box containing a large number of cards, that's 144 decks!)." The formula is simple: around 100 boxes with 144 decks each. If true, that would mean 100 x 144 = 14,400 decks. Given that this is directly from the horse's mouth, suddenly the story becomes slightly more plausible. So too is his additional statement: "In all this story, the most difficult, the longest and the most expensive was to get the stock back to France." That suggests he didn't bring the whole stash to France in one go, which might explain why visitors like Lee Asher and others who saw his home and magic shop never saw any evidence of them. I'm not a French speaker, so I'm happy to be corrected if I'm misunderstanding anything Duvivier has written - by all means check the article for yourself in the original French, to see if I've got it right. But the long and short of it seems to be that Duvivier is saying that what he bought from Las Vegas around 1999 was not a stash of 40,000 Jerry's Nuggets decks, but 14,000 decks. 14,000 is not nearly as impressive a figure. But even though it's only a third of the size of what the legend floating around the internet says, 14,000 decks is still an incredibly impressive haul. Certainly the amount of pictures and videos that show Duvivier performing with Jerry's Nugget cards, seems to suggest that they are very much part of his regular repertoire. It could just be possible, and maybe I've finally found the truth! Perhaps the most defining photo of all is this one (credited to Zakary Belamy), which shows Duvivier enjoying a bath with his Jerry's Nugget playing cards! Given the value of these playing cards on the market today, some might consider this sacrilege, but it sure suggests he has a large enough supply of Jerry's Nugget cards. At any rate, his collection of them seems large enough that he can even afford to take them to the bath for a photo op along with his favourite yellow rubber ducky.
But is it true?
Was the mystery solved at last? It was time to get back in contact with Lee Asher, and share my findings. But despite the claims of Duvivier in his 2011 article, Lee is not convinced that Duvivier is a credible source. To be fair, this is what Lee Asher has been saying all along, and for years he's been saying that the story about the legendary haul of 40,000 decks wasn't supported by the facts. Ultimately what this comes down to is: are we going to believe what Duvivier says? For the most part, Duvivier has appeared to have had little interest in setting the record straight, despite the fact that the rumour of him nabbing 40,000 decks persisted as long as it did. And if he does have a large stash, why has he shown little interest in selling any of the decks that he does have, instead being happy to hoard them or use them only for himself? Would he really have spent all the time, energy, and money necessary to ship even 14,000 decks of playing cards across the ocean from the United States to Europe, just for his personal usage, at a time when the street value of these was only a dollar or two a piece? And if he did, where did he put them, and why has nobody ever seen his stash, including those who visited his home? There are other details about Duvivier's record of events that call aspects of his narrative into question, such as his complete omission of any mention of Lee Asher, who was the one who made him aware of where he could get them. And in those days, the casino gift shop was very small, so is it really reasonable for them to display 100 decks on their back wall, as Duvivier claims in his 2011 article, when they had such little space to work with? I had some private correspondence with another magician/cardist who has also stayed at Duvivier's house, and that individual expressed similar sentiments. He agreed that there was no evidence of Duvivier ever owning that many decks. Just do the math: 40,000 decks would mean Duvivier could use a brand new deck every single day for more than 100 years before he chewed through a collection of decks that size. Again: very unlikely. If he really did have that many, it would be way more than he could ever use, and surely he would have sold some by now - which he hasn't. This person remains somewhat skeptical, but acknowledges that the figure of 14,000 is a more realistic number that is not beyond the realms of possibility, especially if Duvivier has them locked up in a storage facility in Paris somewhere. As an educated guess, it seems that there is good reason to cast some suspicion on this story, and there are some aspects about it that seem rather unlikely. Shipping that many decks, at the time only worth a buck or two each at most, all the way from Las Vegas to Paris would be crazy. But a man willing to jump into a bath with a yellow rubber duck and destroy $1000 worth of playing cards in the process strikes me as crazy enough to do it. Perhaps Duvivier's story is true after all.
A final twist
I was now several weeks into my adventures as an investigative journalist, and I was getting ready to wrap up my story and publish it. But there was one final lead that I had not yet explored. If I was really going to try every possible avenue of information, I had to try contacting Dominique Duvivier himself. Why not? Admittedly, the odds of getting a response from someone about his apparent stash of precious Jerry's Nuggets wasn't likely. If there was any truth to the story about his legendary haul, even to some degree, then he's undoubtedly had hundreds of inquiries over the years. Just imagine the long lines of people asking him about his stash, trying to convince him to part with some of it. If yet another email comes in on this subject, he'd probably roll his eyes and press `delete'. He is working full time as a professional magician after all, and has a career to worry about. I couldn't blame him if he was tired of responding to what undoubtedly would be countless messages from prospective buyers. But I had no intention to buy anything, so as a good amateur journalist, I had to try. It was a long shot, but to my surprise, I got a response from Duvivier the very same day! It wasn't much, but it included one unexpected bombshell - especially after the journey I'd been on so far: "You'll be glad to know that a special article is going to appear in next Genii Magazine. It's called Dominique Duvivier and Jerry's Nugget cards." I was stunned. Was someone else working on exactly the same story as me, and had they beat me to the punch? Maybe even Duvivier himself? Could it really be true that in little more than two weeks time, the next issue of Genii was scheduled to come out, and would potentially reveal all? Suddenly I knew that I had to wait with publishing my story. In further emails, Dominique was tight-lipped about any more details. At the very least, surely I would have to wait until that issue of Genii was available, and fork out my cash and purchase a subscription in order to read it. I owed it to my readers to explore every last clue, and give them a story that included all the evidence. So that is what I did. I waited for the July issue to appear online. Digital editions of Genii are released online each month on the 20th of the month. Finally 20th of June rolled around, and I eagerly perused the contents of the latest issue. Nothing. Nothing remotely Duvivier related. Nothing Jerry's Nugget related. Was Duvivier for real? An inquiry with the editor of Genii produced this response: "Not this issue. Coming up." Would it be August or September maybe? Further inquiries produced only silence. In follow up correspondence with the Frenchman himself, Duvivier told me "I wrote the article myself. It?s quite long." That sounded promising, but it could just be about his love affair with Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards, rather than a "tell all" story about his haul. There still was no guarantee that it would even be published. And I couldn't be sure that it would offer any more information than his blog article from 2011 which already gave his side of the story, or that it would be any more reliable than the version of events he'd provided there. Was it really worth waiting any longer? It was time to share my findings with the world anyway, and I could always provide an addendum to my story if any credible new information appeared.
Final Thoughts
Is this the final word on this subject? No. I've tried to do the best I could based on information available to me, and shared as much as I could with my readers, so that you can form your own conclusions based on the evidence so far. Undoubtedly there are still some missing puzzle pieces, and in future years some new information could come to light that shows that some of my conclusions were misplaced or that puts aspects of this story a slightly different perspective. Today we are two full decades removed from the time when the original decks first sold out at the Jerry's Nugget casino. And the further removed in time that we come, the harder it becomes to uncover the truth. Memories become murky. As it is nobody at the casino seems to remember the specific details of what happened. At the time they were probably only too glad to get the remaining stock out of their hands, and nobody could have anticipated how these decks would become the famous icons that they are today. Even their chief evangelist Lee Asher has to be somewhat surprised at the turn of events he's produced since first singing their praises some twenty years ago! So what can we conclude from all of this? Here's some final thoughts that I'll leave you with: 1. Don't believe everything you read on the internet. Unfortunately, it's a fact of modern life that not everything on the internet is true. And as we've seen, this also applies to sites like Wikipedia. For topics that have a large number of experts or people interested in a particular subject, changing the facts on a Wikipedia article will quickly see the changes being reverted. But with a more niche subject, like Jerry's Nugget Playing Cards, and especially when it concerns circumstantial material that nobody is quite sure about, it's easy for misinformation to enter Wikipedia. And once it's embedded there, eventually the lore spreads and becomes considered as "fact". So it's important to check your sources, and don't take everything you see online as gospel truth - even if it's on Wikipedia. 2. The legend about the stash of 40,000 decks should be put to rest once and for all. It's a myth, and there simply is no evidence for this claim anywhere. At most, there is the claim from Duvivier himself that he bought up about 14,000 decks. That might be true, but again, we only have his word for this. As a counter-point, there are those like Lee Asher who know Duvivier and have visited him many times, and insist that they never saw any evidence of this. The enormous cost of shipping a large stash like this to Europe already makes it somewhat hard to believe. There's no doubt that Duvivier is a huge fan of Jerry's Nugget decks, and he appears to own and use them more than most. But in the end, how credible is he? How seriously are you going to take someone who is happy to post a picture of himself in a bath with a rubber duck and playing cards from a Jerry's Nugget deck? Either that means he has far more decks than he knows what to do with, or he is a little loopy. Or perhaps it's a bit of both. You've had an opportunity to read all the evidence for yourself, so you decide. Either way, we can safely say that there has never been a stash of 40,000 decks, and the jury is out on whether there was even ever a stash one third of this size. But even if the size of the legendary stash turns out to be smaller than first thought, the reputation and magnetism of the Jerry's Nugget decks has only increased in size, and these now iconic decks will remain firmly embedded in playing card lore. ------------------ Update from the writer: After the original publication of this article, Dominique Duvivier personally phoned me on 24 July 2020 to discuss it, and to share his side of this story. He remembers events slightly differently than Lee Asher does. As Duvivier recalls it, his own interest in the Jerry's Nugget decks dates back to the 1970s and 1980s. At that time he was sourcing them from his friend Michael Weber, who along with magicians like Chris Kenner was also interested in these decks. According to Dominique, he only met Lee Asher during his USA tour in 1999, after he had already bought out the remaining stock from the Jerry's Nugget casino. Duvivier confirmed that the figure of 14,000 accurately reflects the approximate number of decks he purchased from the casino at this time. He shipped the majority of these to France by boat, and stored them in a warehouse, intending them to serve as a life-time supply for himself and his family. Look for his story in an upcoming issue of Genii magazine.
How to earn all Ribbons in BitLife in a realistic ways! (2020)
UPDATED LAST JULY 11, 2020 Hello guys! Now since I've got all ribbons last April since I first played last July 19, 2019! I loved how to do it. For now I'll show you here's how to get all the ribbons in a realistic ways:
🧠 Academic - Study harder every year, read books and go to library to enhance smarts, go to University in major, have excellent grades and smarts, and seek higher education (e.g. Graduate School, Medical School, etc.). Have under $2.5 million of net worth. Best used when the character is born with high smarts.
💊 Addict - You must at least 2 addictions to die. Get alcohol and drugs offered and go to gambling very often to get addicted. It is a random luck-based chance. Don't go to clubbing over 10 times with addictions. For easiest way to get, must have at least under 30% smarts, have many friends and go party with them often to get addicted to alcohol and play with gambling often to get addicted to gambling. Don't get seek higher education.
🚂 Bandit - Rob a train successfully in exact real system time (e.g. 4:20 PM or Midnight 12:00 AM). Make sure don't use time cheat.
👱♀️ Barbie Girl - Be a female or transgender female to get all plastic surgeries. Don't get seek higher education (such as Graduate School) or over $2.5 million of net worth for iOS users.
👨💼 Big Boss - Major in English, Finance, Information Systems, or Mathematics. Go to Business School after graduates. Get a Corporate-related job, work harder every year and then you'll be promoted to CEO. Have at least over $20 million of net worth. It is easiest to get as a second generation after inheritance over $20 million.
😸 Cat Lady - Be a female, adopt at least 30 cats and less than 5 pets of other species. Never get married in a life. Also you can be a transgender female to earn this ribbon.
🎭 Cunning - Commit a crime and successfully escape from jail, desert the military or illegally immigrate then get sex change via gender reassignment surgery. Never get caught by the police again until you die.
🗡️ Deadly - Murder at least 5 people. The easiest ones are Perform Drive-By (with fast coupe car) Electrocute Them, Poison Them, Impale Them, and Push Off Cliff. If fails, you will sent to jail or assaulted you to death. Also you can hire a Hitman to kill them, but it requires Bitizenship.
👨👧👦 Family Guy - Be a male and get married. Have under 5-7 children. Spend time 10 times and be good karma. Never abandon or go to jail. Have under $2.5 million of net worth. Also you can be a transgender male to earn this ribbon.
📸 Famous - Have a high looks and smarts. Get a fame-related jobs such as Actor, Singer, Chef, Model, Reporter, DJ, Writer, Magician, Mobile App Developer, and Pornographer. Work hard, promote them and become fame. Also this can be earned after elected as GovernoChief Minister or President/Prime Minister to become Famous Politician.
🍼 Fertile - Have at least 8 children or 5 children with 5 grandchildren in a life from a partner or adoption.
🎁 Generous - Gift items to friends and family at least 20-30 items with much appreciations and more karma without arguments.
♾ Geriatric - Live at least 120 years old in a life with spend time, full karma, happiness, and health without having an illness. Take diets to increase your health.
🌎 Globetrotter - Vacate as many at least 20 countries.
⛏️ Gold Digger - Have a high looks and smarts. Use Freelance Gigs to earn quick money. Open Dating app to find one with highest money income (green bar). Marry 1 richest spouse or more and you'll get over $1.5 million from inheritance through divorce or widow. Never get a job.
👮 Hero - Rescue someone from situation whether if save or die, just tap "Attempt to rescue him/her" button. Keep good karma. Also this can be earned after your character dies after being exploded and blown up by stepping on a mines while serving on a military or another is saving a choking relationship by successfully performing the Heimlich maneuver.
🎲 Highroller - Go to casino or horse racing, you must have high million net worth and win over $2 million lifetime winnings from gambling. It is harder to get for iOS users as a casino glitch patched.
🔓 Houdini - Escape from jail at least 10 times. For easiest way to get without maximum security prisons, see here.
✔️ Influencer (not working on Android) - Have a high looks and smarts. Sign up for a social media accounts at age 13. Post on social media as many times often every year, pick correct options such as Blog, Random, Challenge, Dance, Selfie, or Sexy Pic, get many of million likes and over hundred-thousands of followers and try to go viral. Promote your products if you have over 5 thousands of followers. Monetize your account on YouTube if you have over many thousands of subscribers. If you have over 100k followers, verify on social media accounts and get quickly over 1 million followers to become enjoyment of social media influencer. Also, you can be a fame career life (such as Actor or Singer), then repeat this procedures to get this ribbon.
🚔 Jailbird - Escape from jail and go back at least 2 times. Also this can be earned after jailed at least 3 times without escaping or riot many times due to committing more crimes repeatedly.
😴 Lazy - Have never got a job and at least 50 years old, just spam the age button until you die. Must have smarts higher than 10%. No Job Referral options, just tap "That's not for me" button.
😍 Lustful - Hook-up at least 20 people in one night stands or threesomes without spreading STDs.
🤑 Loaded - Have at least over $20 million of net worth. It is earned via lottery jackpot, inheritance from generations, or a rare expensive heirloom (such as Holy Grail). For easiest way to get, born in most wealthy countries (e.g. Monaco), get a highest-paying job (such as Brain Surgeon or Music Composer), work hard longer and make 20 million of net worth.
😐 Mediocre - It is the easiest to get because you don't have to pass the requirements to get other ribbons and have nothing much in a life. Also this can be earned after you get fired from the job or siblings, classmates or people assaulted you to death at very young age.
🙌 Model Bitizen - You can be a male or female. Compliment, spend time with the relationships and give money at least 10 times. You must have a job, a full karma and relationships and at least $50,000 of net worth without debt. Always pick the right choices in the random events. Always call the police on the situations (don't tap "Attempt to rescue him/her" or "Try to intervene" buttons) and turned it in to the authorities. Never abandon children or pets, argue anyone, ask for money, assault anyone, cheat on partner, go clubbing, go to jail, insult anyone, murder, offer to drink alcohol and drugs, spread STDs to people, steal, do other negative things or do anything lowers karma. Never commit a crime (such as deliquency, solicitation or take a parcel). Apologize or walk away from situation when someone or a relationship argue you or they have disagreement of conversation. Avoid getting any addictions or drug overdose. Don't get over $20 million of net worth to avoid getting the Loaded ribbon or at least 8 biological children, 4 biological children with 8 grandchildren or 5 biological children with 5 grandchildren to avoid getting the Fertile ribbon.
🏠 Monopoly - Make flipping houses at least of over $1 million real estate profits within buying, renovating at least good condition, and selling them much higher price at least 10 houses.
🤲 Mooch - Ask your parents to get money or buy pets and they refuse it at least 10 times.
🎬 Movie Buff - Watch a movie (Comedy, Documentary, etc.) at the movie theater every year at least 20 movies. Requires to watch ad if you don't have a Bitizenship. Don't get seek higher education (such as Graduate School) or at least $2.5 million net worth for iOS users.
💸 Rich - Have at least $2.5 million of net worth. Don't get over $20 million. It is best used for high-paying jobs and inheritances.
👹 Rowdy - Go clubbing at least 10 times, hook-up with them, argue people, and accept every offer to drink alcohol and drugs.
😈 Scandalous - Commit a major crime such as armed robbery or murder, get sentenced to jail and stay at least 5 years without escaping.
🤪 Stupid - Same as Lazy ribbon, but with have a lower smarts under 10%, never got a job, and making dumb decisions that lowers smarts at least 50 years old. Also this can be earned after your character dies due to drug overdose for iOS users.
👍 Successful - Have at least $250k of net worth, good karma and at least 65 years old. Avoid getting any addictions. Don't get over $2.5 million of net worth or seek higher education such as Graduate School.
🐯 Tarzan - Be a male, Bond with at least 20 exotic animals and spend time with them. You'll need a Bitizenship to buy exotic animals from Exotic Pet Dealer. Also you can be a transgender male to earn this ribbon.
🌵 Teammate - Born in Miami or Tucson, United States. Major in Computer Science or Information Systems then get a Mobile App Developer job. Promote to App Designer and maintain it. For Android users, so never get famous.
🦊 Thief - For iOS, you must steal as many at least 5 rob banks, 5 burgle houses, 5 steal cars, 10 pickpocket people, 10 porch pirates, 10 shoplift items, or 10 stealing random items (much easier). For Android, you must steal at least 2 burgle houses, 2 pickpocket people and 2 stealing cars but don't spend too much time in jail.
⛈️ Unlucky - Die under 30 years old after contract deadly diseases such as cancer or coronavirus (COVID-19). This is a random luck-based chance. Also this can be earned after your character dies due to struck by lightning or attacked by the terrorists in some war torn countries such as Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Pakistan and Syria for iOS users. For easiest luck to get, use God Mode to edit all attributes to 0%, start a new life, contract with whooping cough, and die at least age 2 years old.
🚮 Wasteful - Go to Activities, then go to Surrender option to end life immediately. Also this can be earned after sentenced to death or highest debt of net worth.
👿 Wicked - Spread at least 5 STDs to them from hook-ups, abandon at least 5 children, release at least 5 pets, or more.
🎖️ Veteran - Get in the military as enlistee or officer (requires University in any majors). You must deploy mines successfully many times using Minesweeper game (have practice them with skills). Serve full career in the military until reach at age 62. For those who fail to deploy and blown up on mines, get Minesweeper Solver here.
For the Prison Escape guide, see here. For the Careers and Jobs guide, see here.
It was at the tail end of a long shift at 7-11, getting close to midnight. Business had been brisk all day but now there was only the customers going on beer runs and the night shift grabbing coffee and donuts. I manned my till, smiled at people by reflex, and swept every so often. A man with a hoodie, glasses, and a dark green jacket approached the counter. As I started my spiel, he shocked me out of my autopilot by pulling a black handgun from his coat pocket, leveling it at my chest, and then stating his intention to rob the place. “I see,” I said. “This is highly irregular.” “It is,” he agreed. “Yet here we are.” “I suppose you’ve given no thought to the long term viability of your chosen profession? Armed robbery is a notoriously unstable field. The cash in this register looks like a lot, if you grew up with little, but a simple cost benefit analysis will show clearly that the money here is almost comically small compared to the risks one must take to, well, take it. The possibility of arrest, being tackled by a bystander, the small but worrying possibility that I too have a concealed firearm about my person... sure, each individual robbery seems like a slam dunk, but in aggregate the risks are appalling and the payoff is almost the same as a 9 to 5 job. Imagine, if you will, a game of chance at a casino. You must place $200 on the table to play. The dealer takes a deck of cards and draws one at random. If it is any card other than the Ace of Spades, you the gambler earn $1. But if the Ace of Spades is drawn, you lose your $200 stake. “Obviously,” I continued, “on any given draw you are likely to win a dollar. But in the long run, the house always wins- 1 in 52 draws will ruin you, so for every $51 you win, you have to pay $200. It is a fool’s game you are playing.” “We are of an accord,” he said. “I am no mere thug who draws a weapon without thought. I am a man of action, but action must include forethought. “The risks that armed robbers assume are high, as you say. But risks can be compensated for. I have cased this shop for a week- I am familiar with every route in and out. My car is parked the ideal distance away- close enough that I can get to it rapidly, far enough away that no camera can see or witness tie me to it. The camera will not show much with this hoodie and fake glasses. I specifically targeted you here because I live several towns over, so investigating cops will not patrol my own streets. And as long as I do not kill you, this remains a robbery, not a murder. Police budget is tight this fiscal year- criminal investigations must be prioritized. “A gamble I am taking, to be sure,” said the gunman. “But a calculated one. The odds are much more favorable than your posited 52 to 200. I have adjusted them in my favor, and so roll the dice gladly.” I nodded. “Impressive.” “Thank you.” “If appeals to practical costs avail nothing, let me try a new line of attack. Many people think their thievery is directed at some faceless corporation, and therefore bypasses the standard morality of ‘Thou shalt not steal.’ On the surface, perhaps; the store has an insurance policy that covers shoplifting and vandals and robbers. The money stolen from the till will indeed be replaced by a faceless insurance company a day or two after my boss fills out the paperwork. But the simple fact is that the insurance company charges a premium for its services- that cost to doing business is passed on to the consumer by way of pricing. Those bags of candy and the energy drinks in the cooler and the peanuts and the muffins and the ice cream and the beer and the chips and the sodas and the apples and the Advil and the coffee and the Mac ‘n’ Cheese bowls are all expensive as fuck. The mark ups around here are staggering. They have to be. Individuals like yourself force the high pricing to compensate for the premium; just as you have proactively adjusted the odds in your favor, so too do the insurance men. You are not stealing from me, you are not stealing from my boss, and you are not stealing from the 7-11 company, or the insurance agency for that. You are stealing from your fellow citizens. Would you not rather point that gun at an old lady as she walks down the street? Would you be willing to rob a hardworking family man who needs food stamps to get by? Would it not be easier to threaten a child of eight for his pocket change?” “In a word, yes,” said the gunman. “I am aware that I am exploiting society as a whole, and not merely one tiny little subsection of it. But you have not considered carefully enough the structure of the world. “Remember the great Libertarian doctrine that taxation is theft. Therefore, in mathematical certainty, theft is also taxation. Now, you apparently acknowledge the right of the government to steal your money- I suspect you are not plotting anarchist revolution in your spare time. So what line can you draw in the sand between me and the IRS? “That question is rhetorical and easily countered, of course. I am not the government. But the line is drawn because of scale, not of type. Refusal to pay taxes will, eventually and with enough lines crossed, result in armed men visiting your home to take you to prison. I at least am upfront about my coercion. That upfrontness costs me badly, for I have no ‘legitimacy’ per se. The closest historical parallel may be this. Under the Byzantine empire, serfs- which is the closest label the situation has to wageslaves such as yourself, no offense- paid taxes to the Augustus, and considered it to be approximately dead center of the Overton Window. The Byzantines had royal pomp, army after army of soldiers to collect the taxes, centuries of tradition and shared culture bolstering them, and most importantly of all, an obligation to organize and fund large scale civic projects to the benefits of the taxed peasants.” “I was about to say,” I interjected. “You beat me to it. ‘No taxation without representation’ was going to be how I would have phrased it, for the government spends the money to the communal good, in theory, and I get a small say in how and where.” “I could easily challenge that,” said the gunman with a sardonic smile. “If representative democracy indeed dead in the water, what responsibilities have we to preserve the interests of the government?” “A recognition that the government and society are distinct, and that wanton crime harms the second even worse than the first? Honestly. This seems like self-justifying sophistry on your part.” The gunman shrugged. “It is what it is. To get back to the Byzantine metaphor. The peasant, i.e. you, does not do more than grumble when the tax collector comes, for the tax collect has that mystical property of legitimacy. But there is another faction in the world- the Mongol, the Goth, the Vandal, the barbarian from outside the known world who deals in raw violence. The barbarian holds a sword in his hand-“ and here the gunman wiggled his handgun suggestively- “and demands gold. The barbarian lacks legitimacy, to be sure, but one can hardly argue that his position is without merit.” “At least one of us is deeply confused,” I said. “You seem to be justifying yourself by the savage and inhuman doctrine of Might Makes Right. Yet you claim to be in the right by equating your barbarism (your word, not mine) with a legitimate system of government whose very cornerstone is that Might Does Not Make Right.” “You miss a vital piece of the puzzle, which is this: society is not on my side. That ‘legitimate system of government’ representing me and my community does not work to my prosperity. I have sworn no metaphorical oaths of allegiance to the Augustus, and I have sworn no literal oaths of allegiance to the system of government in the here and now. I deny the very concept that the Law is holy and must be obeyed for the common good, for the common good is none of mine. Imagine, if you will, standing before the Heavenly throne as a fresh soul that has never touched flesh before. God says to you, ‘Look, I’m going to send you on down there for a lifetime until you come back to me. You get a choice- you can either be a peasant who works 14 hour days and lives in a mud hut and will be abused and exploited every day of his life, or you can be a one of the Mongol horse archers who lives and dies by the sword. What’s your poison?’ I happen to find myself (quite inadvertently, for I did not as a child dream of a career as an armed robber) in such a position. Who could blame such a soul for choosing the sword instead of the plow?” “Me,” I said. “I can blame you. I hate working for a living too. But I’m behind this counter trading time and energy for cash, and the society that gave birth to me, raised me, protected me, and will one day bury me is slightly better for it. Every impulse towards civilization starts with people like me plugging away at it and contributing to the present and the future, in a spirit of thankfulness for the past.” “Admirable,” said the gunman. “I for one would rather cut off my right hand than to gainsay a man such as you in your lifelong devotion to civic virtue. But I won’t. You shall go your way, and me mine, and we shall both be content.” “Shall we? Shall we truly both be content? Should a cancer patient try to live and let live with the tumor inside him? Shall a lifeboat of marooned sailors agree to disagree with the man who steals the rationed food and water while the others endure with little? Can there truly be anything but war between us- war in the abstract and at a remove, to be sure, but war nonetheless? Those Mongols and Vandals you invoked were met by force of arms, if you’ll recall.” “Society is specialized and stratified- I’m sure you know the old rhyme. ‘Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor, rich man, poor man, beggar man-‘ “ “ ‘Thief.’ Yes, I’m familiar with it. You’re saying that society can tolerate bad actors to a degree.” “You have a pretty firm alliance with the bacteria in your stomach, I will say that. That alliance would be imposed by the little wrigglers even if they didn’t contribute to the body as a whole. It seems to work out for everyone. And we’ve already covered how and why I’m willing to try my luck against the specialized profession that is designed to counter me. Society through the government has imposed its prohibitions and laid out its enforcement mechanism; it has done its job. If I can successfully navigate my way to profit through the tangled web of both the rule and the enforcers, well, more power to me. If you think otherwise, then may I ask why you do not descend upon the lawless life-stealers of Wall Street with fire and sword? One white collar guy playing jump rope with the law can wipe out the life savings of hundreds and thousands of families with a click of a mouse.” I considered this thoughtfully. “I assume there is no point in pitching you the idea of meaningful education and gainful employment as surer paths to success than armed robbery.” “I already weighed such options. The problem is that I’m good at plotting methods to attack people and places, and I’m good with guns. Hence why I’m here. Like my old man would say, do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” The gunman sighed. “Earlier, you accused me of sophistry. I’m afraid that is basically accurate. All the rhetoric followed after the impulse. And the impulse is as simple as any other great truth around which a life can revolve. That truth is this- I am a man. I was designed by God or by nature to stand tall, to own a permanent and invulnerable home, to set my life as I see fit, and to enjoy the fruit of my own labor. I was meant to join with likeminded folk in a spirit of camaraderie and community and to take no abuse from anyone. I am a man. I was supposed to build, to fix what was passed down to me, to fight in defense of everything that is valuable and irreplaceable. “And I can’t. It just isn’t an option anymore. My work is done for the profit of others. The egalitarian spirit that all men are created equal- not in ability, but in worth- has been denied and sneered at for too long. The sanctity of my home has been violated; can not the police shatter my door and shoot my dog as they see fit? Even the simple assertion that a man must fight a bully has been barred by law, for honest fights in defense of self-worth and self-esteem have been banned, even as the law had banned the perverse aristocratic imitation of dueling. Were a man to spit on me and call me a faggot or a nigger or a dumb fucking chink or a retard or a sister-fucker, and I was to break his nose for the insult, the police would crackdown on me and ruin my life with an assault charge. It is too late to fight for that which is valuable and irreplaceable; that fight is over and my side lost. How can a free man with pride exist under such conditions? How can a tree grow from salted soil? “I am a man, and I will not be a slave. I am undoubtedly better off than a slave in chains, but a slave to circumstance is still not free. Well, I will live as a warrior before kneeling as a serf. The savage liberty of the barbarian at the gates is a pale imitation of the free man in a just and democratic society, but I will take the imitation since it’s all that is left for me. If I seize not the gun, I will live for decades as a servant to ‘better’ men; and I shall not. “If I fall into foolish logic puzzles and contradictions trying to turn this impulse into words, so be it. The impulse remains nonetheless.” I nodded. “Tell you what-“ I grabbed a receipt someone had left behind before the gunman showed up at my store and scribbled some numbers on it, hiding my writing from him. I stuffed the number in my pocket. “The register doesn’t open without this number. I absolutely refuse to open the till for you, but if you gun me down, you can grab that note and open it yourself.” “I could beat you up and just take the note without killing you, perhaps? If I shoot you, well, that impacts my odds of capture.” “Yes,” I said, “but I have a box cutter here that I use to break down cardboard in the back. I don’t know if I can win, but I can make you kill me to avoid getting slashed up. I assume you would not want drops of your blood at the crime scene.” “Very true. And I appreciate the sporting gesture of writing the number down.” “So here we are. You want the money, which I estimate to be about $1,200 between the two registers, you need to shed blood.” The silence hung heavy over everything else. My chest was tight and my breathing was shallow. The gunman held his gun at a forty five degree angle aimed at the counter between us, and it wavered up and down slightly, as though he was trying to decide whether or not to kill me. “I’m honestly not clear what your angle here is,” he said. “This is contrary to store policy, surely; you’re supposed to just give me the money.” “My angle is the same as yours, really. I too am a man, and I too chafe under the modern destruction of liberty. And I too yearn to fight in a holy crusade in defense of all that is valuable and irreplaceable. Today, that means I’m going to make you kill me. That’s what civilized men do when the barbarians are at the gate. You aren’t an idiot, you know damn well that if you carry that gun into enough shoppettes eventually you’ll have to kill someone. You appear to have accepted the possibility. Well, it’s no mere possibility now. You want the money, kill me. Smell the gunpowder in the air, feel the gunshot ring your ears, see the dark blood pool under me spread and spread and spread. Feel your hands shake as the enormity of what you’ve done sinks in. Motherfucker, I am a man, and you don’t get to rob my store without paying the price for it.” The gunman stared hard into my eyes, and myself not being a poker player at all I could not read the intent. “I don’t really have to, do I? There are other stores. Hell, I can come back tomorrow and see if whoever is on shift then has less spine. My plan is still basically sound.” “Pure cowardice. If you aren’t willing to be a proper Mongol and commit to barbarism, you have no business pretending you are a barbarian. If you refuse to kill me tonight, what do you intend to do in a month when someone tries to tackle you from behind mid-robbery? Stop being a little bitch and either open fire or get the fuck out of my store.” He raised the gun in one smooth motion, leveling it in my face just far enough away that I could not lunge forward to try to grab it. He said something, but I didn’t hear it. I was staring at the muzzle too hard. When he left, I don’t think he was truly any happier than he was before.
LAST UPDATED: 05/05/2020 ~ Achievements: super sperm
Longevity:
Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, taking walks, and going to the doctor when you're sick.
Wealth:
The fastest way to become wealthy is to become a famous actor or famous writer. I also recommend living in countries that don't have estate tax such as Germany, Sweden, Switzerland (thanks u/Guillermo-Jubera) , Monaco, & Norway. Start off with high looks for actor or high smarts for writer. Join social media & post every year. When you become famous, do a commercial every year. While there are other high paying jobs such as porn star, model, and music composer, I do not recommend these because you won't be able to make much extra money on the side. For porn star and model, you can do photo shoots, but they don't pay nearly as much as commercials do.
Real Estate:
Become wealthy using the advice for wealthy achievements. For flipping houses, buy equestrian properties & keep renovating them when necessary. If you buy an equestrian property in your 20s, by the time you're in your 70s-80s, the net worth of the property will increase by a few millions.
Social Media:
Become famous and post every year. When your fame bar is at 75%, request verification.
Animal:
Animal rescue: take an animal to a shelter.
Deaf leopard: buy a leopard from the exotic pet dealer & yell at it when it misbehaves.
Gorilla: buy a gorilla & mistreat it.
Hippo: try to pet the hippo. You'll die from it.
Lion: increase your chances by going on a walk each year. Set pace to speed walking & set time to 2 hours to cover max distance.
Jack of all trades: have 10 different jobs in one life. Apply for jobs that don't require a degree and stay for a few years (I stayed for 2 years).
Candy-writer: be born in MIAMI (NOT Tuscon) with high smarts. Major in computer science and get a job as an app tester with BITLIFE. DO NOT GET A JOB WITH CANDY-WRITER. THE COMPANY SHOULD SAY BITLIFE.
Last resort: have high looks. Use god mode to edit your boss to have 0% professionalism, 0% strictness, 0% willpower, and 100% coolness.
While you have good performance at work, seduce your boss.
If done successfully, lower your performance percentage bar by insulting and pulling pranks on coworkers.
When a pop up shows up saying you've been fired, beg your boss for another chance, & try to seduce them again.
People person: if you have trouble befriending your coworkers, use god mode to set their craziness to 0%, coolness to 100%, willpower to 0%, and low professionalism.
Combat:
Medieval weapon: insult people until someone attacks you with a medieval weapon.
Armed & Dangerous: Tiger Claw Strike (Kung-Fu) seems to be the most deadly. Aim at the person's skull. Edit: throat also works too.
Disease:
Bubonic plague: random.
Rabies: pet stray animals that you come across. One will eventually bite you & give you rabies.
Witchcraft: avoid taking raw egg, venom, & green bubbling liquid as these are the deadliest things you can consume.
Addicted: accept all substances offered to you. Go clubbing (with high looks & low smarts) to get more access to substances.
Sickly: Get sick with 10 diseases in 1 life.
Do this by going clubbing as soon as you turn 18. Accept substances that are offered to you & hook up with random people.
Try to get as many STDs as you can including but not limited to: chlamydia, syphilis, gonorrhea, and genital herpes.
Go to the gym every year to get other illnesses such as: ringworm, staph infection, athletes foot, etc.
Note: you can also get HIV and Hep B from hook ups, but make sure to keep your health up so that you don't die from complications.
Entertainment:
BitBoi: watch YouTube with friends until Bijuu Mike pops up.
BTS ARMY: go to a concert with a friend every year until BTS shows up.
Fame:
Brightest Star: get max fame by having high looks, posting on social media, & doing commercials or photo shoots.
Centerfold: do photo shoots every year until you do one for Wank magazine.
Endorser: become a famous actor & do a commercial. These typically pay about $4,000,000
K-Pop: be born in South Korea. Have high looks, & get a job as a background singer. Work hard every year & get promoted to lead singer. Post on social media. You'll eventually become a famous pop star.
Fertility:
DNA donor: have high looks &/or high smarts to be allowed to donate your sperm.
Fertile myrtle: be born a female. Get pregnant as soon as you turn 18 by artificial insemination or unprotected sex. Do this every year until you have 25 children.
Smart seed:select the artificial insemination option every year until a lawyer pops up. Be a female, graduate high school, and have a decent amount of money ($45k). Check the artificial insemination option. If a lawyer doesn't show up, close out of the app and restart it until a lawyer (not judge or paralegal) pops up.
Triplets: increase your chances by using artificial insemination.
Love:
Fake it: use god mode to lower your fiance's smarts to 0%, then propose.
Bejeweled: marry someone rich or use god mode to adjust your SO's money bar. Keep your relationship bar full.
Black widow: use a dating app to marry men 80+.
Optional: use god mode to set their health to 0%.
Diamond Anniversary: marry young & keep your health bar up. Use god mode to set your SO's health to 100% so they won't die quickly.
Family planner: set your SO's smarts & willpower to 0% & convince them to go off birth control.
Wedding planner: be born in an African country such as DR Congo. Wait until your parents arrange a marriage for you & accept. Gender doesn't matter.
Military:
Career military: serve a full career in the military. Avoid deployments by closing the app & restarting.
General: enlist as an air force, army, or marines officer. Work hard every year until you become general.
Admiral: enlist as a navy or coast guard officer. Work hard every year until you get promoted to admiral.
AWOL: get addicted to alcohol by going clubbing. Once you get addicted, go to rehab.
Excavator: to clear 10 minefields, it's best to practice minesweeper until you're good at it. Edit: this DOES NOT need to be done in one life. You can do this over multiple lives.
Prison
Escape from prison: get arrested for a petty crime & get sent to minimum or medium security prison. Use this guide to escape.
Justice: be wealthy & apply for an appeal.
Aftermath: riot every year. Each year, the number of prisoners you need increases by 5. The max is 25. Once you hit 25, keep rioting every year until you can escape.
Rioting will lower your health. Keep your health bar green by bribing the guards, going to the infirmary,working out, & meditating.
You can only escape when your health is green.
In-mating: get arrested in a minimum or medium security prison. Arrange a conjugal visit. Make sure your spouse has a high crazy level.
Mercy Me: follow the steps in the wealth achievement section. Get arrested with a long sentence. Be on good behavior by meditating every year, ignoring prisoners, & being respectful to the warden. Appeal your sentence. Note: while in prison, DO NOT join gangs, incite riots, or bribe guards.
Theseus: the easiest way to escape is by following the instructions to the aftermath achievement. Otherwise, you can check out this guide.
School:
Naughty child: easiest way to get expelled is to enroll in college & get bad grades by not studying & skipping class.
Brothers Forever: join a frat in college by having high looks. When you graduate & look for a job, you'll be hired by a frat brother.
Earning that A: seduce your teacher by having high looks. Use god mode to change the teacher's professionalism & willpower to 0%.
Swimming Star: have high health & join the swim team in high school or college. Practice hard every year to become captain.
Vehicle:
Get rich using the steps in the wealth section above. Obtain your pilot & boating license to complete these achievements.
Antiqued: buy a car. Get maintenance done every year. Do repairs when needed.
General:
Cliff diving: spend time with family & friends every year until you go cliff diving.
Hero: save someone from choking.
Skeezy: insult people until someone calls you skeezy.
Snake snack: go to the witch doctor every year until she offers a snake.
Emigrate to Canada/Visit Winnipeg: check the emigrate/vacation list every year until they show up.
Zap: this one is random.
All Along: change a parent's sexuality to gay using god mode & hope they come out.
Begone: become an exorcist & buy a haunted house. Age up one year & exorcise the ghost(s).
Dignified Donor: find a $1m heirloom (random) & donate it.
Flamin' hot: sign up for the hot Cheetos diet. Keep your health up by going to the gym, meditating, & walking every year.
Flee the country: escape from a minimum or medium security prison using this & emigrate.
Frankenstein: go to a low-rated plastic surgeon and get a botched penis enlargement surgery or breast augmentation.
Note: DO NOT GO FOR A BRAZILIAN BUTT LIFT. A BOTCHED ONE CAN KILL YOU!
Human Dictionary: select the book option under mind & body until Merriam Webster Dictionary shows up, then read it.
Low-roller: lose money at the casino until you have a negative bank balance. Run from the guards. You may serve time in prison or successfully evade the guards. Try returning to the casino. You will be denied.
Nightmare: be wealthy by following the steps in the wealth section. Buy an airplane, jet, or helicopter and fly every year. Eventually a bad situation will come up and you need to pick an option. Sometimes it will turn out that the situation was just nightmare. Credit to this post by u/katpotatoees. Edit: MAKE SURE TO BY A USED PLANE IN BAD CONDITION. WHEN A POP UP COMES UP, SELECT SIT BACK AND ACCEPT FATE.
Para-nightmare: live in a haunted house. When encountering a ghost/paranormal event, scream. Edit: make sure your health is very low. You can do this by going on unhealthy diets such as Hot Cheetos or High Calorie. You can also drink alcohol. Avoid drugs so that you don't accidentally overdose.
Player perks: [will update]
Resourceful: marry a rich person that's 80+ & wait until they die OR have a low net worth & divorce them.
Rich justice: be wealthy by following the steps above in the wealth section. Sue a plastic surgeon who botched your surgery or an ex-spouse (both tend to have a decent amount of money). Sue for $1 mil and pick the most expensive law firm to represent you.
Roswell:live in New Mexico to have an alien encounter.Edit: be wealthy by following the steps in the wealth section. Buy an airplane or jet. Fly every year OR if a prompt does not show up, close the app and restart the game until an alien encounter pops up when flying. Credit goes tou/mateon692for thispostandu/katpotatoeesfor thiscomment.
Run Bitizen: go to a horse race & bet on Bitizen the horse & hope it wins.
Crime:
For burglary achievements: have high smarts to increase your chances of stealing successfully.
For murder achievements: if a pop up comes up saying you've been arrested/taken to court, close out of the game & restart, then try killing again.
Pet:
Adopt don't shop: follow the steps in the wealth achievements section & buy a large property (equestrian/ranch/farm). Then adopt all the pets at the shelter. There is not a limit to how many pets you can adopt if you have a large property.
Note: you will not be able to adopt if you have a criminal record.
Horsing around: buy an equestrian property so you can buy horses. Buy 50 horses in 1 life.
Just keep swimming: get a gold fish from the pet store & release it.
Natural selection: buy an exotic animal such as big cats, wolves, coyotes, or gorillas with high craziness. Lower SO's health. Note: DO NOT buy monkeys, wild cats that are not big cats, snakes, or birds.
No Probllama: buy a llama by having an equestrian property & going to the exotic pet dealer. Edit: YOU MUST LIVE IN A SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY (e.g. Argentina, Chile, Peru, etc.)
[Let's Build] D100 starts to a campaign that aren't in a tavern
I'm tired of starting all of my campaigns inexplicably in a tavern. What are some other ways you've seen a campaign start? 1: You were all involved in a war that's now over, visiting the sight of one of the most gruesome battles. Maybe you're here because you lost someone you cared about in the fight. Maybe you wished you could have been in the fray, but were held back. Maybe you ran from the fight and guilt drove you back here. As the sun sets, the spirits of those long dead soldiers begin to reappear, all marching in the same direction. Will you follow? 2: All PC's were captured by the guards of a large city and sent to hang (the reason for this can be up to the player. Wrongfully convicted, career criminal, spoke out against the leadership, etc.). At the last moment, right before the lever is pulled, an arrow takes out the ropes and smoke bombs explode around you. You are quickly whisked away by your saviors, down a dark alley and into a secret hide away. Your rescuers reveal themselves to be the most powerful and feared criminal syndicate of the country, and your life has a price. A very large ship of theirs carrying illegal goods that they won't specify (stolen gold, drugs, maybe even slaves for an interesting twist) went missing in a cove, along with any groups sent to search for it. If you can find the ship, bring back the cargo, and not be caught by the guard in the process, you walk away rich and free. 3: The PC's are in a medium sized town, checking the local bounty board for work (why their here is up to the PCs). They quickly come to a disturbing realization: All of them now have a price on their heads. 4: An annual ceremony in the town takes place at the graveyard, unusually large due to the war-torn country. It's basically a carnival, where families gather around the graves to reminisce and celebrate the lives that once were. Chaos quickly erupts as the deceased relatives start clawing their way out of their caskets, attempting to kill their past loved ones. 5: beaten and bloodied, the PC's are left for dead, tied to trees in the middle of the forest by a local bandit group. What they didn't realize is that they tied you up right next to the mushroom circle of a local fey. She agrees to release you all on one condition: kill the bandits that have been ransacking her forest for supplies. 6: Inspired by elder scrolls, oblivion: You all are invited separately as illustrious guests to an esteemed and very wealthy manor. As soon as all of you enter, all of the doors slam shut and lock magically behind you. A disembodied voice is then heard throughout the manor: "kill eachother. The last one of you left standing will go free." Will they do as the voice commands? Or will they work together to uncover the mystery of the manor and escape? Could end very quickly, but has a lot of potential. Could even have player characters come back as undead if killed by another person, solely bent on hunting down any members that remain. 7: You are all attendees to a wedding. You each may or may not know each other, but you do know at least one of the couple. As they are trading vows, assassins burst through the doors, killing the couple before anyone can act. 8: The local university hires the party as body guards for a scholar who is transporting his revelatory research to the capitol. During the journey, the scholar is assassinated, and his research is stolen. Now the party themselves are the subject of much suspicion. If they can solve the mystery of the assassination and recover the research, their names will be cleared. 9: In various locations, though various circumstances, the members of the party have been captured to be sold into slavery. They begin on a slave ship headed to market. 10: Each player wakes up in a wooden box (a coffin) buried in a shallow grave. 11: For one reason or another, the party has all signed up for an arena, either they are placed on a team together to fight monaters, or pitted against each other (depending on your group). They can go through the arena or the arena can be interupted by something (an assassination, explosion in the city). Either winning the prize money, ir having arena officials be skeptical of them or asking for their help. So many option you can go, and it usually starts with pretty quick combat. 12: You see a man post a notice on the notice board, saying local mansion needs help defending against nightly hauntings. That night you go to saod mansion and find corpses that have been there at least a year 13: In Medias Res: The players are in a town, and the town is under attack! The Fighter's guild, mages guild, churches, and even the thieves guild are all rushing to help hold the line. 14: Everyone wakes up on a beach, surrounded by the aftermath of a shipwreck. 15: The characters wake up in a jail cell, their heads throbbing from the previous night's apparent bender. The guards want to know how an NPC died. Could either have the players make it up, or hand them pieces of paper telling them what they remember. 16: The players are abducted by aliens. They have to figure out where they are, why they were abducted, and how to escape. 17: Characters are all in a market when a merchant stands on a podium and begins to speak. He shows off some type of item (can really be anything you want it to be), boasting that it is completely priceless/extremely powerful. Out of the crowd, someone jumps up onto the podium, knocks the merchant to the ground, and runs off with the item. The merchant screams, "Stop them! I'll give 1,000 gold to whoever can bring them back to me alive!" The players give chase. 18: Characters are all in a market of about 100 people, going about their business. One by one, they each realize they've been the victim of a pickpocket. They look around and see that everyone around them is having the same look in their eyes. They quickly discover that every single person in the market has been pickpocketed, and no one noticed. Was it a highly organized criminal group? A magically enhanced rogue? A trick of an illusion spell? The PC's aim to find out. 19: Characters are all soldiers in a war, and have been gathered by a superior officer for a special mission. 20: Characters all died prematurely in the same event, the Fates/some deity is upset about it. They all meet in whatever equivalent of purgatory you choose, and are sent back to the mortal plane stop whoever is interfering with fate. 21: Characters are all on a trade caravan(for whatever reason) when it is attacked by X type of monsters. The monsters are more organized than normal, and all have some kind of badge/insignia that indicates allegiance to something. The characters can choose to investigate on their own, or will be requested to upon arrival at their destination, after the caravan head reports to the Watch that they distinguished themselves in the fight. 22: You are all travelling on a riverboat in a deep canyon to the furthest-most city on the edge of civilization. The riverboat is attacked by Kobolds (or any sort of enemy, this is a great chance to use something uncommon and exotic) on ziplines that steal supplies from the boats that ply the river. The players are the only ones capable of defending themselves and the boat. 23: You all wake in a field, lying in a circle with your feet towards the center, where the ground is scorched from a small explosion. Placed delicately in the middle of the scorch mark is a single page ripped from a journal. You know who each other are, but have no idea how or why you met, or how you got here. 24: You are all invited to a ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. As the performance goes on, the PC's notice that everyone around them has been petrified besides themselves. The bard then says, "Now that I have your attention, I have a favor to ask..." 25: You are all invited to a Ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. At the end of the performance, you walk out side of the theater to see that the town you were just in is deserted and overgrown. As the other patrons walk out, they turn to dust and collapse to the ground right outside, with the people behind them quickly following, not noticing what's happening right in front of them. The only people who survive going through are the PC's. They slowly discover they've somehow been teleported one hundred years into the future. 26: You are all invited to a Ballard performed by an incredibly famous bard. As the bard continues their performance, his entourage quickly and discreetly locks all doors and bars all windows. By the time the performance has ended, all of the audience is surrounded by 30-50 archers, all with crossbows at the ready. From the back of the stage, a lich comes forward. You are all to be used as a sacrifice to give life to a new lich. Can your party stop the cult and save the audience? 27: In a village far to the north, a group of onlookers gawk at the sky (your PC's included). They've always seen the northern lights over head, but never as spectacular as this! With mixes of purple, blue, and green bands intertwining and coalescing throughout the sky, the whole village is lit up by the bright light. But it looks as if the bands are getting....closer. slowly but steadily coming closer to the ground. Finally, as the bands of light sit just above the buildings in the town, you realize: each of these bands of light are a colossal cloud of wisps, at least a billion in number. 28: at the invitation of a royal gnome tinkerer, your party meets along with at least 20 other adventurers in a palace carved into a mountain. The gnome steps forward and speaks to you all: "I have called all of you here today because I need a crew of the bravest, strongest adventurers that this world has to offer. For I have developed a revolutionary new form of travel that will take us to places never seen before!" "I call it, the Star Sailor!" 29: The local university hires the party as body guards for a scholar who is transporting his revelatory research to the capitol. During the journey, the scholar is assassinated, and his research is stolen. Now the party themselves are the subject of much suspicion. If they can solve the mystery of the assassination and recover the research, their names will be cleared. 30: After going to sleep for the night in their separate domiciles, the PCs share a vivid dream. They open their eyes to discover they have all somnambulated to a small shrine to a forgotten God, in the nearby countryside. This group of strangers, frightened and confused, wonders why they were called. 31: In recent years a new phenomenon has cropped up: people throughout the land are being born with strange patterns on their skin. The PCs, each having a perfect holy symbol on their back, have been gathered at the temple for examination.
The PCs are all freelancers, and a mutual contact (a Fixer) has found a job for them which requires all their unique talents. They have to meet with the employer's representative (Mr. Johnson) to receive details and their initial payment. The location in question is at the docks, as the person will be departing on a ship immediately after the meeting. They are given details on how they will get paid after that.
There's a good reason this one doesn't start in a tavern. All of the PCs have run afoul of the gang that runs the local, and they have to either side with that gang's enemies (who aren't the PCs' biggest fans either), or somehow repair their reputation.
All of the PCs are in the employ of an eccentric wizard who does not leave his tower. Prior to this, they had never directly met - but a murder has taken place and their employer needs information to solve the crime. (Nero Wolfe)
You're an ex-military unit of Lawful Good PCs, and you found out that the general and his staff worship Bane (or another LE deity). Being the only witnesses to the evil, you are convicted of a crime you didn't commit. The campaign starts on the caravan to jail. (A-Team)
All of the party is on the same boat voyage, whether across a sea or an ocean, when the boat is attacked by pirates. If they're not defeated the pirates steal trade goods while their leader gives an intimidating speech on the other boat. The party now knows a) there are pirates, and b) what the leader of the pirates in this area looks like. Any NPCs on the boat spread word of the party's deeds when they reach land.
A scholar of the ancient, extinct cyclops race hired the PC's as body guards. They were ancient warriors who were immortal and had the ability to see briefly ahead in time. They became larger, stronger, and able to see farther into the future as they became older. You travel with him to the ancient cyclops ruins of one of their largest cities. After traveling a day and a half just to reach the center of the city, you arrive upon a circle that looks like it used to be a stadium of some sort. After walking into the center, he pulls a large vial from out of his coat, and smashes it on the ground at your feet. Suddenly, the buildings around you rematirialize, and your surrounded by a large group of extremely surprised cyclops, currently in the middle of a political meeting. You've been sent eons back to the past. Will you attempt to find the reason for their downfall, and try and save them? Or will you try and find your way back, ignoring their future demise?
A country with an incredibly storied past is known to pay adventurers VERY well, due to a long history of them being saved from peril by legendary heroes and dragon slayers. Word has spread of a highly organized group of kobolds terrorizing this country. They are not merely raiding trade caravans, their isolating settlements, taking over whole towns and making the citizens slaves. The PC's meet at the capital either to help, or earn easy money. They are tasked with taking out a nearby kobold compound, scouring the capital and probing it for weaknesses. They have been ordered to take back the kobold warchief head as proof of their deed, which will adorn a spike on the city wall.
Before leaving, the king sends his personal body guard, a rangerogue to lead you to this compound. He seems extremely reluctant at first, but the king forces him to go. He tries his best to stay as far from combat as possible, almost like hes looking to bolt at the nearest opportunity. During the course of the encounter, the kobold warchief catches the party by surprise, swinging a battle axe straight at the bodyguards head. The battleaxe literally cracks in half, with the bodyguard not even flinching. He immediately reaches behind on instinct and grabs the kobolds head, crushing it into pieces inside it's plated helm. After the party questions him, he reveals that he is actually an ancient brass dragon, as old as the country itself. He considers the country his home, and loves being a part of the humans. He has often protected them, or even spinned tails of himself defeating dragons that had been terrorizing the area, bringing back one of his own scales as proof. Almost every legendary warrior in the countries history was actually him, in human form. This kobold threat is new, though. They are the slaves of a red dragon, who heard tales that an ancient brass dragon had been hiding here. He wants to take him and his country as his slaves. It is up to the party to fight him and his slave army back, alongside the brass dragon.
The party has been conscripted to fend off a cult from overthrowing the local lord. The general of the army and the lord are vassals of a corrupt, failing dynasty.
Mad Margull’s Mysterious Menagerie and Miracles Show is in crisis – all the performers are desperately ill from the basilisk egg soufflé. So, the party meets as stand-in performers providing: Stunning Showcases of Strength and Stamina, Amazing Aerial Acrobatic Acts, Spine-tingling Sorcerous Summonings, Stupendous Stories and Songs, Accurate Archery of Apples atop Audience heads, and *Complete Conversations with Crabapple Trees…Tonight only!!!! Curtains close and the wagon cabin surrenders to darkness. The group of complete strangers ringed around the table links hands and are encouraged concentrate…concentrate…concentrate. The crystal sphere centered atop the table begins to glow, and the séance begins…
Doing their civic duty, the party joins together as an impromptu jury in a witchcraft trial.
Seeking free drinks, each has joined in as laborers at a brewery and wine-making faire.
A bolt of lightning sparks from the sky to the top of an individual and jumps from person to person in a busy market. For a moment all five (Four? Three?) people are enveloped in light and joined by lightning bolts. Afterwards, they appear unhurt and undamaged. Why them?
Each PC has a flashback to an event in there past that could have ended catastrophically but at the last second something happened. (Almost fell asleep on guard duty, and would have missed the Assassin comeing for the king. Or playing with a friend as a child they bump into an oil lamp in a barn.) But in the vision everything falls apart and they see themselves saying "I would give anything to..." after a voice in there head says "I've come to collect."
The annual goblin hunt contest. The local town gets together once a year, everyone signs up and is put on a random team. (The players are on the same team, but it was random) The goal is kill as many goblin's as you can. The time of the event Sundown to Sunrise, and takes place in the forest. Each person has two Firefly jar's attached to them to prevent friendly fire.
A meteor strikes the town next to yours a hour ago, the local guard is are asking any willing body's to help with the rescue, and see what happened.
A carriage large enough for the party pulls up and the door opens to let you in. There’s no one driving, no one inside and the carriage is pulled by skeleton horses. Do you get in?
You've all woken up in a grave yard, in holes 6 feet deep. One of you is currently having dirt shoveled on you.
The PCs were all hired by different people to do the same job. When they run into each other at the job site, the first question is "Why is this job so important that so many people are willing to pay for it?"
The PCs were all hired by the same person to do several different jobs at the same time. Each PC also received a note only to be opened when their job is done. That note gives the name of another PC (no two notes have the same name) and an offer to double their payment if they kill that person. (Best to save this one for groups that are okay at handling inter-party conflict, of course...)
The PCs were all members of the same criminal gang. They're picked by the boss to carry out an assignment. When they come home, the city guard/police have swarmed over the gang's hideout. One of the guards/cops is holding a list of known members. Time to relocate.
Each party member books passage on a ship heading for a local city. Each is on his or her own business. They're caught in a rift/wild magic surge/whatever you want and instead of docking at the target destination, the ship puts into a port far, far away from the original destination. From there, they can be in trouble because it's an enemy country, they can't get back because they don't have enough money, or some other hook you like to keep them there. This could also work with a merchant caravan or some other group travel method. large pieces of hostile geography could serve to keep the PCs in the new location at least for the beginning of the campaign.
Party meets in a casino. They're suckered, either together or individually, such that they owe more than they can pay to the casino's owner who is also a local fixer. He's on the hook to map out a stretch of dangerous, unknown country, however large you want. To get rid of that problem, he offers to outfit the party with what they need, including a cartographer if no one has a compatible background, and then bullies them into performing the mapping mission to clear their debt. From there, they can run into whatever hooks you need to start your campaign somewhere in the wild. and if they abandon the mapping mission as a result, then they have a villain chasing them (the casino owner) who can pop up when they least expect it.
For a less-then-good party (depends on each character's back story): The party is in prison, working at hard labor. They know each other's names, but not much more. they're on the same work detail, working outside the prison walls. Farming near a swamp, mining in a guarded shaft, farming in harsh weather conditions near a large forest. Take your pick. A monster runs through the work detail, killing the guards but leaving the party alive. Or a wild magic storm, or a war party from the local bandits or a neighboring but hostile country. Bottom line: guards are gone or dead, the coast is clear. Each party member is on the hook for a long sentence, guilty or not is up to you and their back story. They can get basic equipment off the bodies of the fallen guards and then it can either be a quiet escape into a nearby city from where they need to book passage out as quickly as possible...or a wild chase through a swamp or forest being pursued by angry guards and tracking dogs. They can escape outright or find a helpful NPC who hides them while dropping the first hook to your campaign in the process.
The party are all young adults in the same family. If races become a problem, then remember adoption as part of the back story. A low-rank noble family is easiest since those kids would be trained in straight D&D classes as part of their education -- knight, ranger, cleric, even wizard. rogues could be rogue-centric rangers or they could be bad-boy nobles who spend too much time with the wrong crowd in the local city so they actually develop first-level rogue skills. A creative backstory is required for each character. Once that's done, then something happens to the family. A patriarch is convicted of treason, the family is ruined and cast adrift. Or the kids unwittingly commit a crime -- they hurt the son of a local king, they accidentally release some long lost horror that was being kept beneath the family castle. Two other directions might be a peasant family, though this will require some creative back story-ing for why an entire family of peasants would be trained in non-serf skills. but if you can work that out, then the village could be ransacked or the family could go bankrupt forcing the oldest kids to hire on as caravan guards or something to support themselves and the family. The final direction would be an upper-crust noble family. Princes and princesses of a major nation. A coup casts the family out and the campaign is about regaining the throne.
The party are all low-level employees of a local thieves guild. They don't have to all be thieves. Fighters can be enforcers. priests can be back-room healers. wizards can be tool makers or simply in debt to the guild master and trading services for debt-reduction. again, dependent on a character-specific back story. The campaign starts when the players attend some kind of general meeting -- they're all at the neighborhood capo's tavern on separate business maybe (paying debts, paying tribute, reporting on operations, etc). A rival thieves guild suddenly attacks, mostly wiping out the PC's guild. The PC's an a very small number of unknown other survive and must escape the city before the rival guild finds and neutralizes them. That's why they stick together. They can run towards your first campaign hook if you make it part of one of their back stories, or they can run for the nearest safe haven and encounter the first campaign hook there.
(From DND memes, which got it from tumblr user probablyfunrpgideas) The players are a squad of government investigators, trying to prevent monsters from claiming new habitat. Making sure abandoned properties are sold and dont remain vacant too long, trying to keep people from stockpiling loads of alchemical/magical ingredients in one place, etc. Its mainly negotiation, but sometimes people have an interest in attracting dangerous entities for their own purposes.
Maybe your party dies in the middle of a campaign, maybe they died separately of natural causes. Either way they all "wake up" next to each other, in a cold and bleak mirror image of the regular world. You can all feel it in your bones. Something is coming. You have only minutes to talk and prepare before whatever it is will be there.
As it gets closer, you can make out what is on it's way. A creature standing at least eighteen feet tall is shambling awkwardly towards you. It is vaguely humanoid, with three legs of slightly different lengths all jutting from a central point at where it's pelvis would be. It has six arms, four of which are holding human sized cages (it can be more if the party is larger than this). It's hands bend in the opposite direction of a normal humans, curling sickly out from it's body. The body itself is deathly pale and malnourished, clearly showing the veins and musculature beneath the skin. It has a normal head, but is absent a face. It has sunken in skin where it's eyes would be, with cracks covered in dried blood at the center. A long, jagged crack in the skin also stretches across where the mouth would be. A spike twice the length of a spear is stabbed downward through the creatures ribcage. At the upper half of the spear, a lantern with a blue flame is attached. If the players manage to steal the lantern or kill the creature (it may be large and swing pretty hard, but it is practically unable to avoid attacks with its awkward gait and has no outside armor whatsoever. Removing the lantern from the creature will cause it to immediately drop to the ground, lifeless.), they will discover that releasing the flame sends them back to the material plane, in the middle of the wilderness. The lantern is still with whoever opened it, albeit it's no longer lit. They just managed to do something no other living being has ever done. They have obtained one of the lantern of the collectors, a literally priceless artifact that can bring people back from the dead, and traverse the dead realms. Now they just have to figure out how it works.
Strange groups of identical looking adventurers have started roaming the country, taking on assignments for very little money. You gotta figure out who they are, where they came from, and how to stop them before they take all your work.
A fallout new Vegas one. Basically the group all wake up in a doctors office with no memory, only a letter explaining they were delivering something to a location.
In the central city of the empire/nation, during a major celebration, the king is assassinated, and resurrection spells fail when cast on him. There is a major bounty placed on discovering why.
Your party is a bunch of strangers that has been framed for a crime. Now your group has to work together to prove their innocence and put the real culprits behind bars!
All members of party are found in strange place.. no floor, no ceiling, no nothing. They are just floating around. Suddenly, man dressed in black suit walks in, and proposes a deal. The party is going to hell either way, but if they help him out, he might secure them a way back to mortal realm.
All the PC's are in a huge open air bazaar in the center of a large desert fortress town (they do not need to know each other or be shopping together). Suddenly, a young boy (early teens) comes crashing down through an awning of a nearby stall, a short sword in one hand (still sheathed) as a merchant and several of the local guard chase him yelling "Stop, thief!"
The party is all half human and half other races looking for their shared parent.
All members of your party are part of the town guard. Monster attacks have been on the rise lately and a nest of goblins/orcs/whatever has been discovered and your party has been sent to wipe them out (along with other soldiers who, alas, don't make it.)
The PC’s all meet in a gnomish tinkers shop, looking to get their pocket watches repair. Oddly they all have pocket watches that have stopped on the exact same time.
All the PCs are going about their own business in the market square. Suddenly time stops and everyone and everything is frozen for 3 minutes, apart from the PCs.
All the PCs meet out in a field next to a large flat topped rock, having received a note to be there at this specified time and date. A flapping gushing sound starts softly getting louder and louder until thud, a body from the sky hits the rock. Clasped in the bodies hand is a note which reads ‘avenge me’.
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